I didn’t think it would be this dramatic of a crash, but I was expecting it to come… eventually.
I have entered… THE DOLDRUMS.
I know the run Friday sucked ass—big time. But that is not what has precipitated this current malaise. I’ve had bad runs before—just about all of the ones before mid August come to mind—that did not precipitate such a fundamental and cataclysmic crashing of the spirits. Usually I just pick right back up and hit the road the next day. Get over one by getting on another, so to speak.
Right now I legitimately don’t want to run. I just don’t give a crap. I just ever so barely stepped in a hole yesterday and was disappointed that I didn’t turn my ankle, not even a little bit. THAT would have given me a legitimate excuse to not run for a couple of weeks, maybe even call this whole stupid marathon thing off.
Right now the only thing on my mind is rest. I’m tired of the sore legs. I’m tired of the twitchy feet that can’t wait to get on the track. I’m tired of the dreams that involve just running. I’m tired of the soundtrack that plays as I replay the imagery of the Houston Marathon in my mind’s eye. I’m tired of the imagery of the Houston Marathon, and imagining running in New York, or Dallas, or San Antonio, or even considering the sheer idiocy of running 2 marathons in 2 weeks in 2011, and 5 hours of running is a lot longer than 30 minutes, or 1 hour of running, and 10 miles is a long way to go, not to mention 26.2, and… and… and…
I’m just tired.
It’s as if I’ve been trying to outrun all that and had been out ahead of it, but the bungee finally recoiled and the full weight of all of that has finally come and smashed me in the back and left me lying face down and bowled over by the weight of everything.
I’m so tired.
But tonight I’m going to go to a track and run a mile. Then I’ll rest. Then I’ll run another. Then I’ll rest. Then I’ll run 8 sprints, while resting on the turns, then another mile, and maybe one more. Maybe I’ll even get obsessed again.
The trials of miles must continue. The enemy is nipping at my heels.
I knew this would come because it came before. I also know how to get through it, because I’ve gotten through it before. But oh the weariness… oh the weariness.